44 cents

Today I brought three sandwiches to be given to whomever is begging in the street as I walk from one train to another. I am doing this because I simply can’t take it anymore. I’ve been commuting for a month and every day I pass these men and women by and do nothing.

Don’t bother telling me the arguments against it. I know them all. They are lazy, don’t enable that. They are drug addicted/alcoholics and will barter to support the habit. Why bother? There are social programs to help them better than  you are. Leave it to the government. What you are doing is culturally/racially/social group insensitive. Your help isn’t actually help. Better help would be to contribute to a homeless shelter somehow.

These may be true. And I have considered them all. I’ve thought a lot about why I am doing this. Am I doing this to feel better about myself? Am I doing it because I just want it to go away so I don’t have to see it anymore? Am I doing it so that I can feel the hero? Am I being selfish? Am I not?

There’s truth in all of these as well. But underneath, what I understand is that these beggars are people. They don’t look me in the eye. Some work at me and others recite the same mantra to everyone. Some are regulars at their spot and others I’ve never seen before and may not see again. But they are people.

I’m trying hard not to project my thoughts onto them. I try to avoid making guesses as to why they are on the street. We are strangers and I have no right to the details of their life just because they are begging. Which, when you strip all the projections away, leave the two of us with just our humanity and nothing more.

I started a new job this month. I make more than I ever have, and am not used to the change in income yet. Last Thursday we cleaned out the fridge and tossed food that had gone bad simply because we had forgotten about it. After seeing the people I pass each day, I was ashamed. I give to my church and other charities. But I had not done something for the ones right in front of me each morning.

This morning I calculated the cost of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. It is 44 cents. Why can’t I walk around with a sandwich in my bag every day? What kind of world would we live in if everyone just carried a simple sandwich with them every day?

So when confronted on the street with just my humanity looking at their humanity as I walk by, which one of us gets to call ourself human if I have something and you have nothing? What kind of person do  call myself if I won’t carry 44 cents worth of food in my pocket?