Writing itch

I’ve been doing a lot or reading recently. I love to read, but after a while, I feel a bit out of balance because all I do is work and read. I get like that when I am tired, overwhelmed, and need something entertaining that doesn’t add to my task list or tax my capacity.

I can always tell when I am working my way out of that environment because I find the itch to write again. I admit, it is also  due to better weather and longer days. I feel like I have more time to pursue these things.

For a while now, I have been struggling with my creativity. I spend last years NNWM looking at various aspects of my life in the form of daily essays. I was able to complete the 50K with time to spare. It was easily the easiest year I have every completed.

However, despite the interest in creative projects, particularly writing; I have not been able to get anything started, generate ideas, or foster motivation. I’m concerned because I’ve never hit this kind of existance before. I won’t call it a block, because there are so many more aspects of it. And there are other factors of my life that are also suffering a similar state. I want to get to the bottom of it. It is incredibly frustrating to have an idea but not be able to do anything with it. This problem almost feels physical, as if my brain had a clog in it.

I’m determined to work through it one way or another. I have Julia Cameron’s work to get started if I have to, but I would be rather working on work, than working on crativity. We’ll see what it comes to. I don’t have a plan for how to get over this other than to find something to work on and get to work. I certainly don’t need training or to read anything else. I have plenty of resources at my disposal.

I suffer from all of the other issues an amateur suffers from: fear of success, fear of failure, believing there is a magic formula to follow, distraction with other activities other than direct creative production (including this website), and more. The only solution I have ever heard that works is to work. Simple, straighforward work.

But is the solution ever simple and straighforward? I feel empty and blank, or worse (relative to this issue), that my creativity is channeled into paying work. I feel that I don’t know how to work, how to create. It’s scary to think that I don’t have a story to tell anymore. Generating ideas never uused to be a problem.

But I will keep trying. I will make the attempt and see where it gets me. I feel that I have room for it in my life at least. I have two or three ideas from before that I wonder if I could turn into anything.  I will try to work despite myself.