It’s not as simple as “Stop Whining”

I think I have gotten away from writing lately because all I seem to be doing is either whining, or listing out my day. Even as I write this, I feel the urge to start the litany. To list all the injustices in the system I am working in and the volume of what needs to get done.

Instead I’m tring to force my thought processes into a new direction and see if I can examine the source of this behavior. With some introspection behind it (no real epiphany though), I can sum these processes up with “garbage in, garbage out.” My of the whining comes from listening to coworkers whine; listening to my husband whine; listening to my sister and her friends whine, and it goes on.

As much as I would like to claim that I have a solid sense of self, I am significantly lacking in the ability to be able to listen and not interenalize or identify to the point of appropriation. I know that I am affected by my environment. This tendency to absorb the attitude of what surrounds me is not in my best interests, as I am not surrounded by happy-go-lucky people. Are they supportive of me –yes. Do they care for me and have concern for my well being –yes. But there is a social culture of complaining and negativity that is is difficult to stand against.

In truth I don’t want to stand against this culture as much as I want to stand within it and not be affected. I want it to flow past me and be on it’s way. I want to be able to observe the behaviors of others and contemplate their words, and be sympathetic to the circumstances without making that existance a reality for me. How do I be supportive without comiserating, and still have them know the warmth I offer as a friend. How do I hear their stories and without automatically drawing parallels from my own experience and taking ownership?

It’s a challenging set of questions. After the weeks I’ve had recently and the gauntlets that I have run in just the two years that I have been here, I see the need for active strategy for managing my emotional and behavioral response to this culture. If for nothing else than for managing my physical and emotional health. My hope is to use what I am learning in ACT therapy to accomplish this. There is a cascading, negative effect in my stress levels, headache frequencies, behavioral choices (including food), and many other areas. I can only see the benefit of getting a new framework to operate under. This is also not to claim that I have never been the instigator of whining or that I am don’t carry blame. I certainly do, but I recognized the my absorption of the habit has had consequences.

In the end I wonder what kind of effort is it going to take to live the way I want to live– with no whining?