Tired

Today I am tired. This is mostly due to a dog that decided to get sick in the middle of the night (he did this last week to in the midst of orientation week). It must have caught me just wrong because despite going back to bed, I don’t feel that I’ve slept enough.

I managed to not caffeinate at all today, a good thing because all the caffiene choices I have are not good for me. But, I can hardly wait to get home. The work list at home doesn’t allow me to sleep right away. I’ll have to figure out what can get crossed off the list. The choices are finishing laundry, shower (nope), make dinner (nope. It’s my night to cook. I want it over with), yoga/stretch, or work I brought from home. To be fair, it’s not really work. It’s the notes from work and lists of things that I need to process into some sort of project management scheme. It’s the sitting down and updating calendars so that nothing gets missed. I’m getting dangerously close to that now.

I’m trying to get better at determining my actual capacity. My project lists and calendar usually reflect and ideal rather than reality, with the understanding that whatever doesn’t get done will just carry over. The problem with this method is that I spend my entire time feeling like I’m perpetually behind. This tendency is on the shortlist of cofactors that might be causing me ongoing.

So the goal for tonight is to accept that I will not be getting everything done on my home list and also to be kind to myself on not getting everything done. Also, I need to recognize that not completing the list is not a mark of failure, but to acknowledge that it reflects a recalibration of my understanding.