I’m here

It’s been a minute since I posted here. I hadn’t actually realized it had been so long. As I round out 2018 and consider that my last post was in December of 2016, I understand what happened. 

2017 was catastrophic. Around the time of the last post, I was still reeling from the election, completely unmoored by the discovery that a portion of the population was massively disconnected from the common good. Shortly after, it was discovered that my mother’s winter illness was not actually her typical seasonal, breathing challenges, but actually an aggressive form of leukemia. This would lead to her steep decline and eventual death early in 2017.

As I spend the first few months adjusting to those events, my husband’s mother was declared terminal from her cancer and my grandmother was approaching the end of her life as well. Three deaths within four months of each other. It was like a cruel interpretation of Groundhog Day. 

It looked like we had a relative respite, except that two (three?) of my daughter’s pets died and it was becoming clear that my husband’s father was becoming seriously ill. He would succumb to death by the end of the year. 

The year seemed endless. Over and over with grief and vulnerability. Amazingly our family and extensions of it managed well without most of the drama and harshness this much crisis can bring. I am grateful that we survived intact, whole, and together. 

It’s taken this eighteen months to get ourselves back to some sense of normal. We are rounding on the “last” one year anniversary. It will come shortly in the new year. I personally feel a little removed from this particular one due to my lack of relationship with the deceased, but I still have my family to support through it. And we are all at a point where we want to move forward. Estates are closed. Possessions have been distributed and somewhat incorporated into our altered lives. We are doing the work of mental and emotional reconciliation within ourselves. It’s time to be present again.