I have been sitting in a mental and emotional boat with giant waves like these crashing over the bow month after month after month.

It very much feels like this has been going on for years, and in a way it has. I can trace back to about 2017 traumatic events or major life changes nearly every single year. A decade of this is hard to bear. In the earlier years, I had focused on being the resilient, competent one. These recent years, I have had a reckoning. My body and mind can’t and won’t maintain ultra-competence.

These events (since 2017) have largely been personal. Multiple deaths, multiple surgeries of close family, my husband’s cancer diagnosis and ongoing care, a major, unexpected transition at work. Not all has been negative. My daughter’s wedding, trips to Europe, and a promotion (not related to the transition). These events are layered with the escalating destabilization of the global political landscape, the erosion of environmental protections and encroaching consequences, and the social structures that don’t seem to be supporting us in the way that we need.

This past year has had about three of these major events. If perspective weren’t a thing for us there should be a fourth. The mantra has been I just haven’t been able to get a break. It’s difficult to not operate from crisis to a hold pattern, to crisis, and then hold again. When there isn’t something going on, it’s hard to reprogram myself to rest.

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Over the past ten years I’ve learned that many of the stressors and issues are due to systematic issues out of my control. I’m getting better at accepting that I can’t organize or perform my way out of those. I’m also working on not over scheduling myself either personally or professionally. I had hoped that the past year I would work on rebalancing between different aspects of wellness. I find some easier to accomplish than others (creative projects versus exercise, for example). But this year’s reckoning has dealt several blows in that not paying attention to my social engagement has had significant costs to my mental health. Our lives with all of the events going on have taken away some of the built in social opportunities.

I did read two books that influenced my approach to 2026. The first is the Ruthless Elimination of Hurry and the second was Praying with Jane Eyre. The first was not anything novel but a good, succinct reminder to simplify across all areas of life, embrace silence and solitude more often, and to slow down literally in any way I can. These will be tasks to work on both personally and professionally. The second book was a study in how any book that is generative and resonates with you can be a sacred text. Seeing how close, critical reading of a beloved book can explore various personal and societal landscapes was captivating. I had thought that Lord of the Rings could be that book for me. But as much as I love that book, it was not the book, in fact book series, that was most resonant with me. I find myself excited to explore a critical reading of the Belgariad as an adult. I’m aware of it’s criticisms and as most fantasy books have them from that era.

So for 2026, I plan to simplify and slow down. Pay attention to smaller things and not make big goals or plans. While I don’t expect that they waves will get smaller or slow down, I hope to weather them with grace and a stronger sense of self.