Mental Maintenance
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Reprogramming
I am thinking that I need to reprogram my brain. I have spent too much time dwelling on issues, and interpreting circumstances negatively. That habit means that most of the time, I walk through my day expecting and looking for its events to disappoint me. And surprise! They do and the experience becomes a giant self-fulfilling prophecy. As an example, I found myself ruminating about an interaction my husband and I had yesterday. I had seen one of the Equinox yoga videos (this one), and during our evening bath, I shared what I thought about it. What I experienced was watching a very fit, strong, and talented woman going through…
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Unmoored
I am unmoored. I have finished reading a book series that I haven’t read in a long time. I had a weekend with friends that involved dinners that I didn’t cook, pedicures, and bingo. Through all of this, I am only half here. It’s a description of this winter as a whole. I spent some time getting my new routine streamlined so that I didn;t have the stress of constanting thinking about little decisions and trying not to forget things. But now, between the work that is still building and commute, I feel drained and uninvolved in my day. I would liken it to being in the rapids, eddies and…
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End of a week
Friday is the Hallelujah it’s over day. The day I look forward to these days. While I love the direction my life is going, the time committment to it is staggering. I am ever edging closer to needing to either get a better handle on time management or acquiesce to working off the clock. I am resisting the latter with every ounce of my being. Time is the ever elusive thing that I am chasing. I never have enough of it. I have endless things to fill it with. Tonight I will do none of those things. I will pick up dinner on the way home and a gallon of…
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New Year Coming
It seems hard to believe, but the new year is almost upon us once again. This is not something unusual. Most of us think similar thoughts at this time of year. I always consider each year coming as a surprise. Whe I was a child I counted forward the years and discovered that the turn of the millenium would come in my lifetime. With a little more math, I realized that I would be twenty-seven. That little knowledge tidbit set me on my course and I don’t think that I ever recalculated. Year 2000 came and went. None of the appliances I had suffered any programming problems, and life went…
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Nanowrimo wrap up
It is past the end of November, and if I had done my WordPress updates, my original post might not have gotten eaten two days ago. But such is life. And this life is trying to figure out what to do now. This was the easiest NNWM that I have ever participated in, for two reasons, I think. First, I decided to not try to create an original work, but to spend the month as a rebel and write thirty days worth of essays on thirty-ish different topics. It was definitely easier to take it in bite size pieces that had a defined edge than to dredge something out of…
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Health and wellness
I turned forty one a few weeks ago. I marked the occasion by going to a conference in Milwaukee and pretty much telling no one it was my birthday. I celebrated with family, of course, but that was it. Today I was discussing work and life with a colleague. I had been complaining that my headache made me completely unproductive today and I was frustrated about it. The past few weeks, and if I’m honest –few months, have been a challenge. I have had severe headaches and my right shoulder has become chronically sore. I’m not used to chronic anything. I get sick (if I do) and then get well.…
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All downhill
That sounds like a bad thing, but really it’s a good thing. The peak of my schedule was last week, and while I am still busy this week, It’s a slower, gentler workload. Additionally, the personal events and obligations are slowing as well. I have to take a good look at the caledar to make sure that I don’t miss anything, but overall, not overwhelming. This is good, because this type of schedule always drains me mentally, physically, emotionally. I end up as a washed out shell of myself. I still need to get some restorative time in, and the work around the house is never done. For now, I…
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It’s Fall
This morning if finaly felt that fall had arrived. I have been wearing my fall/spring coat for a few weeks and the sun has been getting up dangerously late; but I didn’t feel that it was here until I parked at the train station this morning. The combination of cool air, heavy dew, a slight, low fog, and the dusting of yellow leaves that were starting to accumulate at the curbs brought on the hope that I feel every fall. And it is hope. I’ve been in academia for so long that any give year feels like it has two beginnings: one in January with the start of the calendar,…
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The mountain
This weekend was a moment on the mountain. This past semester has been a high-energy, sprint to the finish. When it was all over, my daily life switched to a different kind of race: a race to catch up. From the moment I graduated in early May, each week, weekend, night, and day have been full of family events, friend events, home repairs, conferences, and many, many more things. One of these was the trip to Kohler, Wisconsin for a girls spa weekend getaway–a graduation present from my sister and a few of our friends. It was a fabulous trip, a little oasis before the final gauntlet of calendar obligations.…
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Before and After
Yesterday, my dog needed a walk. I had said the “W” word, which normally sends him into a whining frenzy, pacing the house until someone makes a move for his leash. Today, however, he was jumping off his front paws like a puppy, whining to to point of almost howling, and launching himself on the furniture. I leashed him up. The day was still warm and I didn’t want it to be over without being in it for a little while. I love the first walk of the season. Everything feels novel despite being mundane. I passed a family playing soccer and calling to each other in Spanish. Boys were…